What Hurts The Most
by Izzy-Lawliet
Summary: I was over it. I was over you. And it felt so much better. What Hurts The Most by Rascal Flatts. Not a happy AkuSora.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own the characters, nor the song. I do own the plot.

_**Author's Note: **I don't know why I'm writing this, so many months after this actually happened. But I think that I'm actually over it--her. I was crying through this. Don't ask why, I don't know. Just something about finally getting my emotions out made me cry, but now I feel better, I feel like it's actually over....for good this time.

* * *

_

I'll kill you.

I really will.

I've been thinking about it for months, almost a year now.

You broke my heart all those months ago and you have yet to apologize, and yet you throw yourself on my friends and expect me to act like nothing happened between us.

But that's a lie.

We both know it.

I just wanted to love you.

I just wanted to be loved _by_ you.

You gave me that, although it was for a short time before you turned on me.

Why did you do that?

I want to know.

I felt so hurt that day at your school, that day when I fell to the ground, my aunt coming to help me up.

And it still haunts me to this day. It doesn't matter to me that you wanted to leave me, but the least you could've done was answer my one question.

Did you still love me?

_Do_ you still love me?

**XxX**

_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house  
That don't bother me_

It was a Wednesday when I watched the water fall across the window as my mother drove away from your school. I continued to cry and I couldn't stop. It hurt so much inside to know that you were controlled by those god-forsaken bastards. I ignored the look I got from my cousin. I ignored the comforting words I got from my mother.

It just hurt so much and I couldn't stop the tears from falling and the racking of my body as I heard the thunder crash and lightning flare. This was supposed to be one of our firsts. Our first kiss in the rain.

_I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out  
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while_

That night I drugged myself to sleep. Taking one of mom's anxiety pills to keep me calm and one of my own sleeping pills, just hoping to stop myself from living that look on your face over and over again.

The pills had kicked in a while later, after I had cried myself to sleep. I just wanted the pain to stop.

_Even though going on with you gone still upsets me  
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok  
But that's not what gets me_

The next day at school—that mom forced me to go to—I cried in every class, not wanting to talk to anyone or do any work. By third period, the teacher was worried. He had come up to me and had asked if I was alright. I shook my head and he sent me to the counselor's office.

There I told him everything about you and me. Thankfully he didn't shun me for being with you. He listened to my problems. But what he told me made me mad.

Being with you wasn't just some summer fling, it was meant to be. It truly was.

He ended up sending me home, telling me to just rest over the weekend.

_What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away_

I dreamt it over and over again, seeing the look on your face when you told me no. Seeing you walk away from me, saying my name in the most pitiful way. I can still hear your voice.

"Axel! I _can't _love you!" I had said there was a difference, but you didn't care. You said can't, not don't.

_And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was tryin' to do_

I had collapsed to the ground, crying nonstop as you walked into your house, your brown spikes bouncing as you ran to talk to your older brother. I eventually got up and walked to my mom's van, getting in and crying.

I still remember the look of pure shock on your face when you saw me there at your school.

Why? There was nothing wrong with out love.

_It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go  
But I'm doin' It  
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone  
Still Harder_

Months later, I saw them again. They were wondering how I was doing, they knew what happened at your school that day. I told them I was fine, I smiled and asked how they were doing, obviously avoiding their questions.

It was still too much for me to go through to answer those few things they wanted to know.

_Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret  
But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart  
That I left unspoken_

I had yet to see you. But I didn't think I cared anymore. I really didn't. Things got simpler for me. I started to date again, she didn't last long, I just wanted you. My little angel.

But of course, things like that only happened in dreams, although not mine.

Getting over you was still hard, I never thought that I would still cry over you, but once I heard that song I felt compelled to write this, compelled to finally cry my last cry over you.

_What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away_

I don't remember all the details of our relationship now. It's mostly forgotten, I just hope that it's finally over for me and you regret everything you did.

I thought I'd never be able to stand rainstorms anymore. I can.

I thought I wouldn't be able to talk about you. I can't. I end up laughing.

You turned into a whore, and I find it amusing that you changed so much during this time we were apart.

But for Highschool, I wonder what will happen. Will you ignore me? Will you embrace me? Or will you keel over and die like I hope you do?

Any one of those but the middle one will work for me.

I don't need you.

_And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do_


End file.
